Friday, November 30, 2012

What ho!

Greetings, all! Marlowe here! Quite a nice place this is, isn’t? All fancy-like and everything. I believe this is the part where I introduce myself. Right, then. Here goes!

I had a bit of a rough and tumble childhood. You see, I spent my early life on the streets learning to fend for myself. I had been making my way just fine, when one day I got myself into a bit of trouble. I didn’t like the way this one bush was looking at me so I decided to teach it some manners. I gave it a pretty good thrashing but as I was just a mite of a thing, I’m afraid it eventually got the better of me. It had me pinned to the ground and I was hollering for assistance when some bloke appears and extricates me from my predicament. I was quite grateful to him and told him so. I must’ve made quite an impression because next thing I know, I’m on my way to a new home. Quite an unexpected turn of events, I’ll say! I’ll admit I was a bit trepidatous at first, which is only to be expected when one goes from tangling with shrubbery one moment to being whisked away in a fancy automobile the next. But I’ve always been the adventurous sort, so I decided to see how things fell out.

The trip was a rather long one so I had a chance to get to know my rescuer. He told me his name was Jason and he struck me as a rather decent fellow, although a bit bear-like in appearance. Once we arrived at our destination, I met his wife, Jennifer, (who is not at all bear-like, by the by) and I learned that she had a lovely room all fixed up for me. I had a bite to eat and then she insisted on giving me a bath. I’ll admit that the bush had left me looking a bit bedraggled, but a bath?! Honestly! As if I wouldn’t have gotten myself sorted out eventually! She was insistent, however, and as I didn’t want to offend my hosts I complied. Grudgingly.

After a good night’s sleep and a hearty breakfast, I began to explore my surroundings. I quickly discovered that despite the bath incident, Jennifer has her good points. In addition to providing me with food and water, she also makes sure I have a supply of toys on hand and warm place to sleep for my afternoon naps. After I had a chance to orient myself, I met the other members of the household: Dante and Edmund. Dante’s a bit stand-offish but I’m beginning to bring him around. Edmund, however, is always up for a tussle or game of chase. They all did their best to help me settle in and it wasn’t long before I felt right at home. All in all, my change in situation has most certainly been for the better. I’ve been hearing all about the family’s adventures and can’t wait to join them on the next one!

But in the meantime, I think I'll enjoy my nap.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

We moved again! Again!

A long time ago, we started this blog about moving to California. That was pretty cool. We even went to Vegas! No Vegas on this trip but at least we didn't have to spend a week in the car again so I guess that's okay

Even though we stayed in Riverside for four whole years, we normally move a lot. Like all the time. And always for school. My person is so weird. Why would you move to go to school?!? And now she has TGWWGA moving us for school, too! Last year, TGWWGA got into law school. Which was kind of cool. I guess. I really only noticed because he was gone a lot more. Which was awesome! Less time ignoring him and more time getting my belly rubbed by my person!

I was a happy kitty! Apparently, TGWWGA wasn't. *rolls eyes* He had to drive a really long way to get to school. I didn't mind, but I guess he did. He finally convinced my person that we needed to move closer to his school. My person didn't want to move because then she would have to drive a long way to get to her school. Just not going to school didn't occur to them. Sigh. Anyway, they compromised. My person still has to drive a long way but not as far as TGWWGA did. She's not home as much to scratch my ears, but this new place is pretty cool.

Oh, right. I'm supposed to tell you about the move. Well, there were a lot of boxes. So many boxes....

And of course they're full of books. *rolls eyes*

TGWWGA's parents came to help us put everything in boxes. They were okay. I mean, they're related to TGWWGA. That's a negative right there. But they were good at putting things in boxes and scratching my ears, so I guess it could've been worse.

They day we moved was SO hot. Like crazy hot. I would've helped even though it was hot but my person sent me and Edmund to spend the day with some friends. I stayed with them last Christmas and they're awesome! They have a lot of books so they're nerds like my person, but they're still really cool. They had a Christmas tree and they played with me and they let me sleep on things and gave me lots of treats! I was super excited to see them again even if there wasn't a Christmas tree this time. Edmund was scared (of course) and hid.

I tried to tell him it was okay, but then I realized that I didn't have to share my treats with him if he was hiding under the table. :D

When my person finally came and got us, we were all excited about our visit with her friends. We told her all about it while she was driving. Edmund sat on her lap so I had to stand on her arms to tell her all the things we did while she was moving all those boxes of books. She was thrilled. Or something. It was probably thrilled. *nod nod*

Anyway, our new place is pretty cool. It doesn't have a patio but it does have hard floors. I love running up and down them in the middle of the night! Sometimes my person gets out of bed to chase me! :D

We live closer to L.A. now so hopefully we'll have even more adventures!

Friday, September 21, 2012

In Memoriam

Although this blog has gone on unexpected hiatuses in the past, this one was not due to busy schedules. As we related in the last post, Spanky had been experiencing health problems. He seemed to be improving, but he took a sudden turn for the worse at the end of May. He passed away peacefully on June 1, curled up with Jason on the grass. He had lived with Jason for 17 years and the rest of the family for most of a decade. We all miss him terribly. After a lot of thought, Dante and Edmund have decided to continue with the blog. Spanky always loved writing for it and they want to continue it in his honor. If you have any memories of Spanky you’d like to share, please leave a comment. He was a great cat and I know he’ll be missed. 

I’m never very good at this stuff… but Spanky always liked writing so I’ll try to do this right for him. I was just a kitten when I met Spanky. He was older and more serious, and sometimes I didn’t like it when he lectured me. He could be grumpy at times, especially when I tackled him or didn’t listen, but he always took care of me. He taught me how to clean my fur and how to get better at stalking. I’m all grown up now but I still liked to get his advice on stuff ‘cause he knew all sorts of things. I really miss talking to him. He’d want me to be all responsible now ‘cause he’s not here to take care of Edmund and TGWWGA. I won’t ever be as good at it as he was, but I know he’d want me to try my best. He was the best mentor a cat could have.

Spanky always protected me from scary stuff. He’d let me sleep with him so I wouldn’t have nightmares and he’d yell at the vet and keep the Monster distracted and chase away anything bad. He’d even take on the vacuum cleaner! Now that’s brave! I’m trying to be brave just like he was. The Monster really misses Spanky so I’ve been cuddling with him to make him feel better. Even though he’s the Monster, he loved Spanky too so he must be okay. I still get sad sometimes when I see Spanky’s bed is empty but Mommy says to think about all the good times we had with him and then I feel better. He was the best biggest brother ever!

Monday, May 14, 2012


First, you should know that Mommy's friends from Michigan came to visit us in April. They were very nice. Well, Mommy's one friend was nice but the other friend was a monster. Why are there so many monsters?!?! It was very scary and I spent lots of time hiding under the bed. But, they went on lots and lots and LOTS of adventures while they were here. It's going to take us awhile to tell you about all of them. Mommy said I could go first and I picked Disneyland! The happiest place on earth!

Sometimes Mommy gets a little carried away when she has the camera and will take pictures of silly things. She thinks the polite trash can is really funny. I don't know why, but humans can be weird sometimes. Even my Mommy.

But they did a lot more than take pictures of trash cans. That would be too silly even for humans. They went on a ride that had a dinosaur. See!

No, not the train! The dinosaur. It's down on the right. It looks angry and everything! Spanky says it's not a real dinosaur and even it was it's just a dinosaur skeleton but I don't know... Look at those teeth! They're bigger than me!

They also went on a ride where you had to shoot aliens with a laser gun. Aliens!!! O.o So scary! Why are there scary aliens at someplace that's supposed to be happy? Maybe the happy part is getting to shoot the aliens? I guess that makes sense. I still think it would be happier without aliens in the first place... At the end of the ride, you got a score based on how many aliens you lasered and the Monster got WAY more points than my Mommy did.

Mommy's Score
The Monster's Score....

Even aliens are afraid of Monsters....

Then, they went on a submarine ride. I don't know why anybody would want to get inside something that goes under the water. What if it started leaking? Then you'd be all wet! I fell in the bathtub once when Mommy was taking a shower and it was not fun at all!

That's way more water than a bathtub. Don't let those birds fool you. Birds have wings so they don't fall in the water when they slip. Also, only one of those birds is real.

One last picture before I go:

Giant mice! I am not afraid of mice but mice are afraid of me. Even giant mice would be afraid of me if I pounced on them! *nod nod nod* Once I knocked them down, I could sit on them. I didn't get to try my giant mouse tackling skills this time but next time they go I'm making Mommy take me.

As long as the Monster doesn't go too.

And there's no water rides.
Or dinosaur rides.
Or anything scary.

I just want to chase the mice. :D

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Happy Birthday, Spanky!

Spanky had a birthday! He's 17! That's like super-old for a cat, but I guess Spanky is special. He was already special 'cause he has extra toes and he lets me sleep on him, but now he's even specialer. :D I know he looks grumpy in the picture, but he had a very nice birthday. We all sang to him and he got a cupcake. Well, he didn't get to eat the cupcake because cupcakes aren't for cats, but he did get some tuna fish. I wonder why nobody gave him a tuna fish cupcake? That way he could have his cupcake and eat it, too!

Ever since his birthday, Spanky has been going to the vet a lot. I'm not sure what for, but he's always very grumpy when he gets back. Spanky and Mommy had lots of arguments about going to the vet (Mommy won those) and when it was okay to bite people (Spanky won those). Spanky says that if she stopped taking him to the vet, he'd stop biting people. Seems like a good idea to me, but Mommy was worried about him and so she made him go. But now he's doing much better. Yay! He even gets special cat food that Mommy made just for him. It smells really yummy and sometimes she lets me have some once Spanky's finished. I'd tell her I want my very own homemade cat food, but then she might take me to the vet with Spanky. I don't like the vet. It's scary! O.o

Dante and me had to help Mommy and the Monster take care of Spanky so we didn't get to blog very much in April. We wanted to, but we were just too busy. We went on lots of adventures before Spanky got sick and now that he's feeling better we get to write about them. It's very exciting!

[Editor's Note: Spanky is doing quite well for a cat his age, but he's developed a few conditions that needed regular treatment at the vet's office. He's improved considerably and the vet expects him to keep trying to bite her for quite awhile yet.]

Sunday, April 22, 2012


Edmund and Dante (Spanky didn't want to have his picture taken)
Now that they're posting more regularly, the cats thought it would be a good idea to update a few things. They've now all got brief biographies in their profiles and they've been streamlining posts' tags. For those that are new to the blog, you can read Spanky, Dante, and Edmund's profiles and/or read their introductory posts. They also tell me they miss reading people's comments. Apparently, it doesn't count if I just tell them what people said when they ran into me.

They're thrilled that you all love reading their blog and they have some really great posts planned for the next few months. Thank you for reading To Say Nothing of the Cat!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Well this is a pleasent surprise!

After my post about Hank's campaign, I asked Jennifer to send him a link to my entry. After all, we felines must stick together! Given how busy Hank and his staff must be on his campaign, I didn't expect a rely. Today, however, Jennifer called me to the computer to show me that Hank's team had responded with a personalized note. How very thoughtful of them!

Here is the message:

Hi Jennifer!

Thanks so much for your kind words! Hank was very impressed with the post regarding his campaign, Spanky is quite a orator himself! Hank especially enjoyed the part about being large simply enhancing the candidates physical presence - while Hank is not overweight, he will definitely remember that the next time a reporter brings up the 'fat cat' issue!

Hank is very much humbled by the outpouring of support from across the country, and he wants to remind Dante and Spanky both that even the smallest kitten can change the world!


Matthew O'Leary

Campaign Manager for Hank for Senate 2012

Although it appears Mr. O'Leary missed Edmund's contributions to this blog, I'm sure that Hank noticed my young friend's posts. All in all, it's a very kind of them to send us such a delightful message. Vote Hank!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Every Vote Counts

Jason and Jennifer frequently discuss politics. It seems to be quite a hobby of theirs. Until now, I had largely remained aloof from the discussion because so few candidates seemed concerned about issues important to felines. Namely, increased access to tuna fish and the ability to come and go as we please.

However, it has recently come to my attention that there is finally a politician we can all get behind: Hank. Like myself, Hank was born to a single mother. He had to work hard to get where he is today and can relate to people from all walks of life. He's concerned with making the world a better place for both cats and humans. I think we can all agree that humans seem utterly unable to properly manage their own affairs so I'm glad he is concerned with their welfare. Hank is clearly the most qualified (and charismatic!) of the Senate candidates.

Some people, however, appear to be blind to Hank's qualities. They've even created an attack ad in which they call him a "fat cat." Firstly, Hank is not fat. Secondly, based on my experiences with my portly companion, Edmund, being fat is not a disqualification for office. If anything, it enhances the candidates physical presence. You only tangle with a large, angry cat once!

Now, some of you might be concerned that a feline is not qualified to run for Senate. But I'm sure if you think about the situation more deeply, you'll come to realize that a cat is the best person for the job. I've heard people of all political outlooks refer to the current crop of Senators as "rats." Everyone knows that the best cure for a rat infestation is to send a cat in. I'm sure Hank will have the place in tip-top condition in no time and be able to turn his attention to more important matters such as unemployment and increased tuna fish production.

Unfortunately, I can't vote for Hank as my residence is in California and not in Virgina where Hank is running for the US Senate. However, I encourage our Virginia readers to vote for Hank on November 6th and for the rest of our readers to get the word out about this wonderful candidate.

Vote for Hank!

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Worst Super Bowl Party Ever

On Super Bowl Sunday, normal people get together to watch the game. My person, like usual, didn’t do what normal people do. She did go over to a friends’ house and it was even during the Super Bowl. There were other people there and snacks and beer and a television with the game on. I was totally hoping my person would not be a nerd for an afternoon. But no. Do you know what my person and her friends did instead of watching the game? The learned sword fighting. That’s right. They learned how to do something that no one’s needed to be able to do in like forever. Lame.


It gets worse. My person is the one who taught everyone else how to use a sword. I guess the swords on the wall downstairs aren’t just to look at.

Before I came to live with my person and TGWWGA, before I was even born, my person was in a sword fighting club in college. That’s right, there was a whole group of these people and they somehow managed to find each other. Spanky says I have to tell you that my person was in a “theatrical combat troupe.” What kind of dorky word is “troupe”?! Anyway, that means that they used real swords, not toy ones, but they weren’t sharp or anything. The people also couldn’t hit each other because “that wouldn’t be safe.” *rolls eyes* Seriously, if you’re going to use a sword at least hit someone with it!

But back to the Super Bowl. I’d met my person’s friend, Tom, before and he seemed like a pretty cool guy. Well, as cool as one of my person’s friends is going to be. I thought he might be a good influence on my person. But no. He’s total nerd, too. So much of a nerd that his wife got him a sword for his birthday.


When he told my person about it, she got all excited. Because if anyone was going to think her friend getting a sword was “really awesome” and not really weird, it would be my person.

So, instead of watching the Super Bowl like normal people, they all went out on the lawn and practiced with swords.


One of my person’s friends is learning to sword fight in heels. Which is pretty cool, I guess. Cool for people with swords. More importantly, why did they let my person have the sharp sword in this picture? She injures herself on her desk chair! If she cut off her hand with a sword, how would she feed me and rub my tummy? People should think about these things!

I wasn’t there to tell them that, though, so they kept going. Here’s my person and her friend, Tom, practicing a sword fight. My person was showing him how to fight with a sword in one hand and a dagger in the other.


Huh. They actually look kind of fierce. Never thought that would happen.

It did get kind of cool at the end. Tom cut a pumpkin in half in midair! This is actually awesome enough to deserve video!

How cool is that?!


It kind of looks like brains in there! Pumpkin-colored brains but still pretty awesome.

I guess as far as nerdy stuff my person has done, this is okay. I still wish she’d be normal more often, but I can see why she likes swords. They are pretty cool.


Thursday, February 2, 2012

The Monster is broken!!!!


The Monster has been sort of broken for awhile because he hurt his back really bad. The doctor says he's not allowed to lift heavy things which includes me (but not Spanky). Which is fine with me because I don't want him to pick me up.

After Mommy and the Monster came back from their trip home for Christmas (they left me! I was sad!), the Monster had a cold. One one paw, it's nice when he has a cold because he's not as scary when he sleeps all the time. On the other paw, he doesn't leave very much when he's sick so I have to be extra careful that he doesn't see me. Spanky likes it when the Monster is sick cause he says the Monster makes a great bed for sleeping on. The Monster is warm and I like warm things, but I do not like Monsters! He could wake up when I was sleeping on him and then he would get me! Very scary! O.o

Mommy was sick too, which was sad, but she got better and in the meantime I got lots of snuggles and ear scratchies. So it was only sort of sad that she was sick. But the Monster didn't get all better like Mommy did, probably because he's a Monster. He ended up with a sinus infection AND con... conjun.... conjunct.... I can't write it! It's too hard! It means his eyes got all red and they itched. Since the Monster's eyes were all ucky, he couldn't see as good as he usually he can. I was able to sneak by him lots of times! I even got really close to him yesterday and he didn't see me. I'm a brave kitty! :D

Mommy didn't want to catch the Monster's germs so she had to wash all the things the Monster touched. I don't know why she doesn't do that all the time. The Monster is probably full of germs. He IS a monster and everyone knows that monsters can make you sick. That's one of the reasons they're so scary. Well, that and their claws and their teeth and their general scariness. Anyway, Mommy washed all the sheets and towels and blankets every day. It was a lot of work to wash all that stuff, but I helped her. I sat on the bed when she changed the sheets and grabbed the corners when she was folding them and crawled inside the blankets so make sure they were nice and warm. I'm even rolled around in the clean laundry so it would be nice and fluffy. I'm such a good kitty. :D


Spanky was busy keeping an eye on the Monster. The Monster wasn't supposed to touch his eyes because they were sick so Spanky had to meow at him when he forgot. He forgot a lot.


Spanky was also grumpy because when Mommy was washing all the things the Monster had touched, she thought about washing Spanky. She decided not to but he was still mad at her just for thinking about it. Silly, Mommy. Spanky's already covered in Monster germs, a couple more won't matter. I never let the Monster get close enough to touch me so I never need a bath. I'm smart like that.


See? Aren't I good hider!

Dante says the Monster won't be broken forever so I'm enjoying it while it lasts. Oooo! Maybe I could sneeze on his pillow and he'll get sick again. Maybe I could get Dante to sneeze on it too...


Friday, January 13, 2012

The Return of the Plum Pudding

Editor's Note: Today's entry is a guest post by Watson who lives with Jennifer's parents in Michigan. The cats have agreed to this only on the condition that they did not have to personally associate with a dog.

Good day,

Watson here. I am a canine companion to Jennifer’s mother and father and share my lodgings with Sherlock, a rather eccentric and excitable fellow. Before I took up residence with Harry and Bethanie, I served Her Majesty in various uncomfortable and distant parts of the Empire such as Afghanistan and Flint. These days I get quite enough excitement listening to Sherlock bark at everything imaginable and some things which are unimaginable (such as phantoms and other superstitious nonsense). Sherlock is the perfect example of a canine of whom it can be said that, “his bark is worse than his bite.” I am very proud that such a thing can never be said of me. To give you a further idea of his personality, I've included the following photograph. Here, Sherlock is "investigating" the family's baking plans.


Jennifer recently came home for a holiday visit. As a physician, I was pleased to observe no deleterious effects from her recent association with feline companions. I was particularly pleased that we had a few days of her company before Jason joined us. When I first met Jason, several years ago, I expressed my opinion of his (lack of) suitability quite forcefully. I have since become resigned to his presence because Jennifer is fond of him and she is a somewhat headstrong Irish lass. She would not take it well if I were to detach any more pieces from Jason.

While Jennifer was staying with us, she and Harry made plum pudding following a recipe that has been in Harry’s family for several generations. This is curious because Harry is not at all English and plum pudding is a fine old English Christmas tradition. As I'm sure we're all aware, however, humans do all sorts of strange things and generally are none the worse for it. But I digress. I am given to understand that Jennifer made plum pudding a few years ago and that Spanky, a member of a lesser breed without the law, wrote a description of the process for this blog. While it provides a quite suitable description of the process given it's authorship, I felt that an additional account would be quite beneficial to the readers of the blog.

Things went about the same this time around except that Bethanie knew of a local grocery store where all of the ingredients, including the essential suet, could be found. Jennifer had quite a bit of trouble locating suet in California, but Michigan is much more civilized than California in that respect. As some of our readers might be unfamiliar with this ingredient, I thought it wise to include a picture:


Numerous ingredients are necessary for a proper plum pudding and they must be thoroughly mixed. I'm sure I don't have to tell you how distasteful it would be take a bite of what one believes to be delicious pudding only to discover that a particular morsel consists entirely of raisins or have cherries.

Harry and Jennifer had a bit of a debate over whether the ingredients, specifically the cherries, needed to be chopped. Harry was against it, while Jennifer was for it. Things reached such a state that Jennifer threatened to call Harry's mother. Rather than see either one proved incorrect by this appeal to a higher authority (they are both quite stubborn when it comes to admitting fault), I intervened and suggested a compromise. The cherries were cut in half and the process was finally able to move forward.


After the ingredients were mixed, they were usually steamed using a pudding steamer. It should come as no surprise that individuals with a mixture of Irish, Scottish, and French blood failed to have such a device at hand. Fortunately, Jennifer is English on her mother's side and was able to assemble an ad hoc pudding steamer from materials at hand. It may be inelegant, but it was sufficient for our purposes.


And at last we have the finished pudding! Delightful, isn’t?


Friday, January 6, 2012

We're back! Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's like the best Christmas present ever!

Mommy finally passed her exams and says we can use the computer again. Yay! I was very sad that we didn't post hardly at all last year 'cause then I didn't have a reason to stand on the keyboard. Even Dante was sad that we didn't get to post. He tried to pretend like he didn't care, but I know better. His ears totally perked up when I told him we were going to blog again. He can't fool me! I'm a smart kitty! Almost as smart as Spanky! :D

So, you're probably wondering what we've been doing all this time. Well, we've been super-busy. The monster started law school so Spanky had to make sure the monster did all his homework. Dante and me helped Mommy with her exams and then helped her grade some essays. Every time she got a pile of essays we'd knock them over and then sleep on top of the best ones. Or maybe it was on top of the worst ones? I forget. Maybe this quarter we should sleep on all the essays just to be safe.

We've also had lots of adventures this year to tell you about! Super-exciting!